"For Good" | Up with People Week 8

Title Reference: For Good from Wicked

I’m sure you might’ve guessed by now that since the coronavirus pandemic has upended all of our lives, my tour with Up with People has also been cut short. We were sent home after only completing three of our fifteen slated tour cities in order to self-isolate and social distance to slow the spread of the virus. I’ve been avoiding processing my feelings since I’ve been home, but a homework assignment I did required me to do just that. I figured I’d share it here, so without further ado…

I feel empty. I had a feeling and knew in my gut all along that it would have come to this, but I kept holding out hope that maybe our situation would be an exception to the rule. But that Friday when I woke up, something felt different. As much as I hated to admit it, I knew what was coming. And even though I knew what was coming, it still hit me just as hard. I don’t think I’ve cried so much ever (besides the death of family members). The hardest part was knowing how much I’ve sacrificed and left for this experience. I quit my job. I spent over half of any money I made in 2019 on being able to come to tour. I canceled my lease and practically anything that settles me in one place is gone. More than anything, I felt gypped by getting this experience taken from me prematurely.

I’m not angry or bitter. I understand why this has to happen, but I still wish it didn’t. Being with Cast A and the study abroad group was the happiest I had been in a long time. I was finally getting to do everything that mattered to me and feel like I was really enacting a positive change in the world. But I guess now just isn’t the right time for me to do that. If at all possible (read: if I can find the funds), I fully plan on returning to Up with People to do a full semester and possibly even applying for a staff position afterwards. I’m trying my best to see the silver lining in a grim situation.

Many people led me through this situation. Most importantly, I would like to commend the office staff for stepping in and doing what needed to be done in a hard situation. Our road staff did their best in making sure each aspect of our program came to a sufficient close. For instance, the education team helped us through a workshop on the five stages of grief and the production team made sure we had one last show. The group that I’m most indebted to, however, are my fellow castmates. Never so quickly have I seen people come together, cry, laugh, hug, sleep on each other, or support one another. Our cast was becoming close already, but knowing the news was like a catalyst in the glue that held us together. As cliche as it sounds, we really are stronger together.

I am forever grateful to Cast A 2020 for changing my life. Like the song says, “Because I knew you, I have been changed for good.” Everyone, and I truly mean everyone, in the cast and staff took a bad situation and did everything they could to make it a little bit better. Beyond that, alumni from previous casts and friends of Up with People extended their support to us. The one thing that has made this experience all the more bearable is knowing that there are so many people still willing to make a change and shine a little light in the world even when it may seem bleak. Now, more than ever, we have to keep hope alive.

Thanks for following me on this journey, and I hope you’re all staying home and staying safe!

Cast A 2020 of Up with People